ask and ye shall receive

ask and ye shall receive
Originally uploaded by stayin' sucka free

i'm hoping that what i'm asking for *will* be received; the past four years have been spent agonizing, planning, wishing, hoping, fearing for the worst and best, respectively.

to say upcoming events will cause a shift in the paradigm would be an understatement, but it is what it is.

i have been true, right and correct - a teaching given to me by someone who gave me back something i thought was lost. my sense of identity, a recognition that i was worthy, and a desire to do and be better than where i was and who influenced me.

it took a few more years of pain for that to happen, but it did. and then the pain changed, in a very different way. and the fear changed in a very different way. but the resolve hasn't. the determination to get beyond this; to *be*; that hasn't.

i am simultaneously strong and fragile at this very moment. i keep repeating to myself 'think good thoughts', because if i allow worry and fear to enter the picture, my heart leaps into my throat and i can't breathe.

a glimpse at fate will be arriving soon.